Willy Wonka Funnies About Working Mom and Stay at Home Dad
Last Updated on June 16, 2021 by
Most people don't know how to react when I tell them I am a working mom and my husband is a stay-at-home dad. Some are amazed, while others just don't get it.
And people's heads really seem to spin when I conclude that I am also the breadwinner, meaning we rely solely on my salary as a family of 4.
Despite a recent study showing a growing trend of breadwinner moms among married households, there is still an underlying assumption that something must have gone terribly wrong for us to be in this situation.
The misconceptions about working moms and stay-at-home dads range anywhere from, working moms don't enjoy motherhood, to stay-at-home dads are slackers who have given up on any type of real career success.
And while there may be situations where this could be true, I know differently.
If you're wondering if it's truly possible to be a working mom and stay-at-home dad family, I am here to tell you it is.
Sure, roles will shift, sacrifices will be made, and things won't always be picture-perfect, but it can be done.
And by done, I mean not at the price of sacrificing your marriage or mental health.
In fact, my husband and I have been a working mom and stay-at-home family for over 2 years now.
We've dealt with many setbacks, our budget was tight, but we wouldn't change a thing if we could do it all over again.
We are better parents today because of this experience and have a much stronger marriage.
I'm going to share in this post how we've been able to make this arrangement work, while raising 2 kids, running a household, managing family finances, and all the other obligations that come with raising a family.
You may also find these posts helpful:
7 Ways to Overcome Resentment When You're the Breadwinner Mom
19 Ways To Make Your Dollar Stretch As A One Income Family
But First, A little Back Story
Being a working mom and stay-at-home dad wasn't always the plan. My husband and I have always had full-time jobs. In fact, for years work was a big part of our lives, long before having children.
If someone would have told our future selves we were going to be a working mom and stay-at-home dad couple, I think we both would have nervously laughed it off. It just wasn't something we grew up seeing.
You were expected to work and if someone was going to stay home with the kids, it would be the mom.
How We Became a Working Mom and Stay-at-home Dad Family
Things all changed after having baby #2. With childcare costs now double the rate for two kids, we didn't see the benefit of having both of us continue working full-time jobs. Most of our take-home pay would be going to childcare. So we did what seemed impossible at the time; go from dual-income to one, and embrace our new roles.
Divide And Conquer
I'd be lying if I said that my husband and I don't have roles and that we do everything equally, because we don't, and quite frankly, I'm not sure if there's such a thing as "equal." While our roles are not defined by gender, we have set tasks and responsibilities. I'd say for us, we sort of fell into these roles naturally and now have made them part of our daily routine.
This has worked out quite nicely for us and saves us lots of time and energy. We don't fight about getting things done because we know who is responsible for doing what.
My husband knows he is the supermarket shopper and I know I am responsible for keeping up with the laundry. I know that it's my job to take stock of diapers and wipes in the bedrooms and my husband knows it's his job to make sure to include it in his supermarket list.
When we are all together as a family on the weekend, he is responsible for making breakfast, while I am on clean-up. We follow each other's lead and divide and conquer so that we can be more efficient at managing our house and family.
Don't Criticize Or Guilt Trip
I've learned to accept that my husband isn't going to do things the way I would when it comes to caring for our kids. I think as moms, we sometimes feel like our way is better, especially when it comes to caring for our kids.
There are many times when I stop myself from letting my husband know that he could be doing a better job if he only did things my way.
For example, I am a firm believer that getting up an hour before the kids is the best way to start your day, my husband, on the other hand, would rather sleep-in.
You have to respect that your spouse has to figure things out for themselves and you can't always be there to bail them out. Your role is to show unconditional support, free of judgment. As for me, as long as the kids are safe and cared for, we're usually all good!
No Assigned Roles For Parenting
Now when it comes to addressing our kids' needs, it's whoever is available at that moment. We may have roles for getting household chores done, but we don't have assigned parenting roles when it comes to taking care of the kids.
This means that we both can change diapers, we both can clean snot, and we both can attend to a crying kid in the middle of the night. Because my husband is with the kids all day, I find that he can do these things with ease, if not better than me! And our kids have picked up on this too. There are many times when my daughter will prefer for my husband to comb her hair over me. You want your kids to know they can count on either one of you when they need something.
Communicate Regularly
It's super important to remember to check-in and communicate regularly. And this looks differently in every marriage. You don't want a problem that could have been avoided to fester and for there to be any type of resentment building. It's not a good feeling and it will create a lot of stress and unhappiness.
My husband and I regularly communicate about the kids, bills, our routine, the week ahead, and anything else that may affect our family routines.
I am not able to connect as much during the day because work is busy, so my husband and I usually do this after the kids go to bed.
We make time to discuss things and try to get in front of the problem. It's easy to assume things are okay or to neglect to talk about difficult stuff when you're tired from a long day of work, but it will create more peace at home and confidence in each other if you starting getting into the habit of doing this regularly.
Give Each Other Breaks
It's easy to get caught-up in wasting time or coming home late when you have a parent that is always home. You don't have rush in the way that you would say if your child was in daycare because that someone is your spouse, but it's important to remember that they also need a break.
While this was more challenging for us when my husband was home with my 3-month old son and 2-year old daughter, we have always tried to be mindful of each other's need for a break.
I make an effort to think about how my husband feels at home all day with 2 little kids. He also gets that while I am at work and have some moments of alone time, I rarely get a break from both. When I come home from work, I am usually tired and running low on energy.
Most of the time, all I really want to do is spend some time with my kids, but there are moments when a few minutes of alone time are necessary for my own sanity.
Some days a break may mean a quick run to the library or 15 minutes alone in another part of the house, but it's important to give each other breaks, even if they're in small doses.
Set Work Boundaries
Like many working moms, I am involved in many committees at work and am asked to stay late for meetings and events frequently. While this isn't mandatory, I recognize that it's an important aspect of my role at work. I do my best to set firm boundaries when it comes to my time and prioritizing what meetings are important and I've learned to say no unapologetically.
I think about how a meeting is not only going to affect my role at work, but if it will throw things off at home. If something isn't going to work for my family, I will decline politely.
It's not always easy, but I find that the more transparent you are about your commitments outside of work, the more your colleagues will begin to respect them.
Respect The Routines You've Created
When it really comes down to it, it's all about trusting the routines you've created. Each family has a different way of doing things and I don't think there is one "right" way, but once you've gotten into a nice routine, where things are getting done, there is less chaos, and everyone seems happy, you need to stick with it. Figuring out what works is crucial and once this is done, the rest becomes easier.
Can it really work?
There are a ton of things to consider when becoming a working mom and stay-at-home dad, as I laid out here in this post for you. Your family will have to make many lifestyle adjustments.
You will need to have an honest conversations with your spouse about expectations, family finances, career goals, and ultimately, the life you want for you and your children.
Things will be challenging in the beginning, but within time, the impossible will start to become very possible.
Are you a working mom and your husband a stay-at-home dad? How do you make it work as parents?
heighwayalted1970.blogspot.com
Source: https://focusmommafocus.com/2020/02/19/working-mom-and-stay-at-home-dad-how-to-make-it-work/